After the 1st Date…

When people think of online dating, they associate the process from the very beginning – signing up an account, rigorously developing a profile, uploading photos and finally, conversing with someone they are compatible with. They think of that first meeting with the person, how it will go, whether they will be the same person they seemed to be online. What they don’t usually consider is the next step – after the 1st date…

You’ve met the person, the date is over, now what? The answer of course depends predominantly on how that first date went, but we’re going to assume you had a good time, and (hopefully) did not sleep with them. You’ll find a section below for “bad 1st date” solutions.

If you took things too far, well, that’s too complicated to tell you how to handle it. If you’re a woman, you probably won’t get a phone call anyway as most men lose respect for easy women. If you’re a guy, you can expect her to become clingy after “giving it up” – let’s just hope she isn’t the stalker type. You made a bad decision, deal with it, whatever the consequences may be.

With that out of the way, let’s move on to the normal suggestions of how to handle things after the 1st date

After the 1st Date – Do I call him/her?

Women: For women, it is generally best to wait for the man to call you first. Unless agreed upon prior to the end of the first date, don’t call him. If you wish to communicate, use the communication tools provided by your online dating service (email, IM, etc.). Don’t not contact him first thing in the morning, or immediately after the date. Wait at least until afternoon.

Men: If you had a good date, you should absolutely call her the next day. Do not call first thing in the morning, wait until afternoon or evening. If you know her general work hours, try to call her after work. If you do not have her phone number, send her an email or IM.

After the 1st Date – Do I say how I feel?

Yes and no. If you had a good time, yes, you certainly want to relay this. You do not want to be too revealing, though. Don’t say things like “love at first sight”, “I think I’m falling for you”, “can I see you again tonight”. These are all signs of potential stalkers and will likely scare the person away. Keep it casual for now.

After the 1st Date – 2nd Date?

Setting up a second date is a good idea, but not too soon. If you went out on a Friday, don’t go out again on Saturday. Meet for lunch mid-week, or set up a venture for the following weekend. Again, you don’t want to appear too anxious.

After the 1st Date – What if I’m not sure?

If you’re not sure if you want a second date, consider why. Is it because you may not be feeling the chemistry, or because your gut is telling you not to? If it’s your gut instinct, follow it. If it’s attraction issues, there’s no harm in getting to know the person a little better before making a hasty retreat.

After the 1st Date – Don’t let your Guard Down

Just because the first date went well does not mean you should let your guard down – we’re talking to the ladies here, mostly. If your date has any negative intentions, it is less likely that they would let it be known on the first date. They would rather make you comfortable first. Basically, trust your instincts and if your gut tells you to get out, get out. Chances are, he/she is who they say they are, but better safe than sorry.

Bad First Date Solutions

If it turns out the date did not go well, or you did not enjoy their company whatsoever and want to break it off, here’s a few suggestions.

The best way is to tell them you really enjoyed their conversation, but you just don’t feel the chemistry.

If you found them to have a repelling personality, such as rude behavior, whether it be towards you or a waitress, tell them so as nicely as possible. Not everyone realizes they are rude, and that it’s a major turn-off. If you don’t tell them, they’ll never change. Consider it a public service.

If you are getting the instinctual impression that you should distance yourself from this person, do not even bother replying. Upsetting an unstable/dangerous person will only make things worse. Cut off all communications immediately. If you followed the standard safety precautions, he/she does not know where you live, work, your home phone number or anything other personal information that could lead them to your place of residence.